My coworker and I have (Canadian Currency) in left over prepaid credit cards, which we need to spend on a surprise for our coworkers. We’ve considered an office ice cream machine, but we fear it will lead to too many fights over flavors. We could always go the route of lots of specialty coffee, but that’s a little too boring.
We’re a hip and happening creative company with about 15 employees. Any suggestions?
I have a Keurig machine at home and absolutley love it (they use k-cups). We are looking to get a one-cup maker that uses either k-cups or the coffee pods, I just called Kaurig customer service and they were terrible and not helpful at all. are there any other services that rent you the coffee machine and you buy coffee for it every month? I know there are the coffee pods, but what machines do you use it with?
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world.
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS
There’s a woman in my office that is really hard to get along with. She’s always complaining, and gets mad over the least little thing. I get along with her for the most part because I just let most of what she says go in one ear and out the other. The one real problem I’m having with her though is this;
My boss bought one of those single-cup coffee brewers. He did not want to put it in the communal kitchen we share with other practices in our office suite because he didn’t want to be paying for coffee for anyone other than his own employees. He had it placed in a back office which is next to this woman’s office. I enjoy strong coffee and like that I can save money by not having to buy my coffee on the outside. Apparently she hates the smell of coffee, everytime I make some, she shows her dissension by spraying air freshener and closing her door. Then the other day she said "we were talking about the smell of your coffee". I don’t know who else she was talking to, but to my knowledge, no one else has an issue with it. In fact, people tell me how good it smells, and some of the docs asked if I would make them a cup.
I am usually agreeable and change my behavior if something I’m doing upsets someone within reason. I don’t know if this is in reason or not. I kinda think it’s not. #1 – I am not the one who decided to put the coffee maker in the back office, the owner of our practice was. #2 – It’s coffee. If I were making egg salad, boiling cabbage, or making some other smell commonly found offensive, I’d understand her strong reaction. Should I quit making my coffee to appease her and keep office peace, or should I let her, the one with the problem, make the concessions. She could go to the practice owner or manager and ask that we put the machine somewhere else. She can close her door, etc. Keep in mind that this woman complains when people make too many double-sided copies at once because of the noise, complains about the type of music played, complains that one person coughs too much and another person sniffles too much, and one person smells all the time.
Most of the time, I do close the door to the office where the machine is while I’m brewing my cup of coffee, and then close it behind me to limit the amount of aromo escaping into her area.
All the options on the touch screen coppier at work totally confused me
So of course I wound up printing everything all to hell
I lost my temper and pounded on the machine which on most days only puts this forsaken hellspawn of office technocrap out of service for few hours
Not today
Being exhausted from a 6-hour crawling commute I have been downing coffee like its oxygen
So my coffe cup which I had set on a bookshelf near the coppy machine fell over do to the fact that the shoddy engineering of the building I work in channeled all the vibaration of my fists hitting the coppy machine through the bookshelf dumping coffee all over the machine
My first thought was this is going to be a little bit worse than the normal broken coppier monday routine
Then the there was a lot of smoke, sparks and the works
I ran like hell, the building was evacuated
Despite there only being minimal damage the building is now a crime scene
Is it Job search time?
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had
not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to
rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website….HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your internet server’s downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a
variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration’s in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom – wankers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day – may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
Dear Mr. ______ : [real name hidden to protect his identity]
I regret to inform you that I am resigning from my position as Official Office Pencil Sharpener Who Refills Coffee Mugs and Abuses the Copy Machine. It has been a great 5 days with this company, but as you know, my AA meetings are getting in the way of working here full-time, as is my part-time job as a Hooters girl. I am also very forlorn, agitated and aggressively upset that I am no longer able to drink rum and Diet Coke whilst on the job, because the cheapo guy who works in supply thought it was such a great idea to buy Sam’s Club brand instead of Diet Coke instead.
But don’t worrry. I got him back by leaving a giant pile of donkey doo on the front seat of his convertible Mustang.
And my mother told me that having a pet donkey was not a good idea. Boy, was she ever wrong!
Adieu …… adios ….. and farewell.
Sincerely,
Wonder Cat: ______ [real name hidden to protect my identity]
*shed a lone tear*
I am a Admin Assistant temp @ this company. The temp agency told me that I would be doing computer related work. I got to the company to found out all (3) admin assistants that they had resigned for higher paying jobs & I was left with their daily duties to complete. I also found out that I wasn’t the admin for 1 person but for the ENTIRE company & its departments. I prepare and mail out packages, make coffee, empty shredder bags, restock copier machines, fax & file documents, answer telephones, set appointments, type & prepare complex documents, scan a MULTITUDE of agreements, mail checks & invoices, sometimes computer equipment, fill out mail forms, do the work of the Boss’ exec assistant eventho she’s here. @ times it seems like too much for only myself to complete and the work is ALWAYS piling up. Now today I am asked to go to the post office for the entire company and of course take care of anything that is needed in that regards. I am only paid 9/hr to do all of this. This may seem like a little bit of work to some but this is more than I expected. The other temp & admins that used to work here were paid 15 & above/hr. What should I do? Tell them no when they ask me to do something or ask for more money. Help me plz!
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN….?
All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone’s Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn’t pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did?
When a 57 Chevy was everyone’s dream car…to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends?
and saying things like, ‘That cloud looks like a… ‘?
Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
And with all our progress, don’t you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace? Share it with the children of today.
When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy?
Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the LoneRanger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk. . ..as well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn’t that feel good, just to go back and say, ‘Yeah, I remember that’?
I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
How many of these do you remember?
Candy &nb sp;c i garettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes.
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.
Newsreels before the movie.
P. F. Fliers.
Telephone numbers with a word prefix…(Raymond 4-601). Party lines.
Peashooters.
Howdy Dowdy.
Hi-Fi’s & 45 RPM records.
78 RPM records!
Green Stamps.
Mimeograph paper.
The Fort Apache Play Set.
Do you remember a time when….
De c isions were made by going ‘Eeny-meeny-miney-moe’?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, ‘Do Over!’?
‘Race issue’ meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn’t odd to have two or three ‘Best Friends’?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was ‘cooties’?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute commercials for action figures?
‘Oly-Oly-oxen-free’ made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a c a rd game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their ‘grown-up’ life . .
I double-dog-dare-ya!
I know this is super long, but thought some of you could use a " I remember when". Have a great day and Happy Halloween everyone
ahh guys I wasnt around long when most of this was going on..lol I was a late 70’s baby so missed most of it. But there are a few things I do remember.
Also there are some homes with cloths lines in the backyard, penny candy is still 2 for 1 but its rare. Just look in my parents back yard..lol
All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone’s Mom was at home when the kids got
home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female
teachers had
their hair done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas
pumped,
without asking, all for free, every time?
And you didn’t pay for air? And, you got trading
stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels
hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out
to dinner
at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they
failed. . ..and they did?
When a 57 Chevy was everyone’s dream car…to cruise,
peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and
people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were
because they were always in the car,
in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends
and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a …"
and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with
the rules of the game?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and
hermetic seals
because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect
stranger?
And with all our progress, don’t you just wish, just
once,
you could slip back in time and savor the slower
pace,
and share it with the children of today?
When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited the student at
home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives,
but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs,
gangs, etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger
threat!
But we survived because their love was greater than
the threat.
Send this on to someone who can still remember
Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy,
Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,
the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,
Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball
games,
Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool,
and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn’t that feel good, just to go back and say,
"Yeah, I remember that"?
I am sharing this with you today
because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on.
To remember what a double dog dare is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between
old enough to know better and too young to care.
How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
inside
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard
stoppers
Newsreels before the movie
P.F. Fliers
Telephone numbers with a word prefix….(Temple
4-601).
Party lines
Peashooters
Howdy Dowdy
45 RPM records
Green Stamps
Hi-Fi’s
Metal ice cubes trays with levers
Mimeograph paper
Beanie and Cecil
Roller-skate keys
Cork pop guns
Drive ins
Studebakers
Washtub wringers
The Fuller Brush Man
Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
Tinkertoys
Erector Sets
The Fort Apache Play Set
Lincoln Logs
15 cent McDonald hamburgers
5 cent packs of baseball cards -
with that awful pink slab of bubble gum
Penny candy
35 cent a gallon gasoline
Jiffy Pop popcorn
Do you remember a time when…
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do
Over!"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire
evening?
It wasn’t odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex
was "cooties"?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a
slingshot?
A foot of snow was a dream come true?
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute
commercials for action figures?
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was
cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a
team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into
a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, then you
have lived!!!!!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from
their "grown-up" life . . .
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN…?
All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone’s Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had
their hair done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped,
without asking, all for free, every time?
And you didn’t pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner
at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . and they did?
When a 57 Chevy was everyone’s dream car…to cruise,
peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were
because they were always in the car,
in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends
and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a "
and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals
because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
And with all our progress, don’t you just wish, just once,
you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace,
and share it with the children of today?
When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives,
but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!
But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
who can still remember
Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy,
Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,
the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,
Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games,
Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool,
and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn’t that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?
To remember what a double dog dare is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between
old enough to know better and too young to care.
How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Newsreels before the movie
P.F. Fliers
Telephone numbers with a word prefix…(Raymond 4-601).
Party lines
Peashooters
Howdy Dowdy
45 RPM records
Green Stamps
Hi-Fi’s
Metal ice cubes trays with levers
Mimeograph paper
Beanie and Cecil
Roller-skate keys
Cork pop guns
Drive ins
Studebakers
Washtub wringers
The Fuller Brush Man
Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
Tinkertoys
Erector Sets
The Fort Apache Play Set
Lincoln Logs
15 cent McDonald hamburgers
5 cent packs of baseball cards –
with that awful pink slab of bubble gum
Penny candy
35 cent a gallon gasoline
Jiffy Pop popcorn
Do you remember a time when…
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn’t odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
A foot of snow was a dream come true?
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute commercials for action figures?
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!
I am sure most of you wont read this but what the hell. if you do read this and r a pc user can answer me why pc people still wouldnt switch to mac?
here is the link to the article with comments from users
http://ptech.allthingsd.com/20070802/fusion-is-latest-way-for-macs-to-operate-windows-pc-software/
any’s Macintosh computers. While Mac sales still account for only a small share of world-wide computer sales, they have been growing three to five times as fast as overall PC sales.
In classrooms and offices, homes and coffee shops, Macs are far more visible in the U.S. than they were just a few years ago. Part of this success results from the fact that Macs are excellent machines that handle the most important and common tasks as well as — or better than — computers running Microsoft Windows.
But the new popularity of the Mac is also partly due to the fact that it can now run Windows along with Apple’s superior Mac OS X operating system. That means that if there’s a program you need that comes only in a Windows version, you can run it on any current Mac model, speedily and with
I have never been able to wake up with ease… I would so much rather sleep than get up for work (wouldn’t we all?)! I feel pretty sure that this is a more difficult task for me than it is for others; I’ve always had a sleep-thing going on. And there’s an added challenge in the fact that with my job, I am the only person who monitors what time I show up to work – I work in corporate marketing and am at one of several offices and/or or one of many retailers every day – which makes it harder to fight the temptation of sleeping in vs. waking up at 6 on the dot every morning.
Please feel free to throw some things out there as I brainstorm new ways to make the challenge of waking up a do-able experience!! I will likely need to tackle it with a combination of different solutions.
(Note: don’t mention depression or thyroid etc. – I’ve ruled those out a long time ago…. and I have the nighttime sleep covered. Just asking for tips & things for waking up in the mornings)
If it makes it easier… add to, dispute, or comment on these ideas:
— get new haircuts, clothes, makeup on a frequent-enouth basis & set out clothes the night-before to add motivation to the wakeup process?
— make a routine of setting out an adderall (i get a monthly script) by my bed and set an alarm to take it 30 min. before I get up?
— set up coffee machine the night before so that all I have to do when I get up is press the button?
— turn the TV on as soon as my first alarm goes off?
— wake up to music instead of harsh alarmclock beeps?
1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS : Infinitely Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM: Sad and Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM: Puzzled and Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee during Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash first and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting
IT Company Full Names…
1 . NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Pec
1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS : Infinitely Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM: Sad and Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM: Puzzled and Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee during Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash first and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting
Did you like them? Star please
Have a nice day and keep smiling!
Funny Short Forms of IT Companies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds
8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings
12. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort
13. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & lacklusters
14. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India.
15. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
Hello everyone. I have an assignment to do, and I need some pretty die-hard watchers to take this quiz for me, you don’t mind. It’ll take less than 5 minutes and you’d be helping out a fellow human. You can just list out your answers and if you don’t know the answer then simply guess!Thanks in advance. 
The Office
1. Why does Dwight throw his phone into a river from the top of a helipad?
a) Jim convinces him that people are listening in on his phone conversations.
b) Jim and Pam have made him think that he’s working for the CIA.
c) Jim won’t stop calling him.
d) Jim convinces him that phones are not allowed on helicopters.
2. Jim conditioned Dwight to desire a breath mint at the sound of what?
a) a doorbell
b) a car’s horn
c) his computer rebooting
d) the ring of a phone
3. After Jim finds Dwight’s wallet in the parking lot and returns it to him without tampering with it at all, Dwight does what?
a) He believes him and gives Jim a big hug.
b) He doesn’t believe him and plots a diabolical plan against Jim.
c) He believes him and since he hates feeling indebted, becomes unnervingly nice to Jim.
d) He doesn’t believe him and cancels all his credit cards.
4. Jim wires Dwight’s cell phone and office phone to what?
a) his headset
b) a random telephone number in India
c) Toby’s daughter’s cell phone
d) an automatic recording of, “The office of the mediocrity man”
5. Why did Dwight tackle Stanley, who was about to sip some coffee?
a) Jim convinced Dwight that there was Kryptonite in the coffee.
b) Jim told Dwight that artificial beet flavoring was used to make the coffee.
c) Jim sent him a message through “Future Dwight” that the coffee was poisoned.
d) Jim told Dwight that Stanley butchered a goose in the wrong way and Dwight was baffled and furious at the ignorance of humans.
6. Jim and Pam secretly hummed in high pitches, manipulating Dwight into thinking he was the only one hearing it and that he had what?
a) Obliviousitis
b) Pretenditis
c) Gullabitis
d) Fakeitis
7. Why does Dwight swiftly accept a bag of nickels from Jim and begin to furiously insert them into the vending machine?
a) Jim tells him that buying out the whole machine spews back all the money ever put in it.
b) He is led on to believe that buying food with nickels makes him more superior.
c) He is told that Secret Service scouts look for people who buy food with nickels.
d) Jim puts all his desk supplies in the vending machine.
8. What did Jim replace all of Dwight’s pens and pencils with?
a) crayons
b) Sharpies
c) gel pens
d) paintbrushes and different color paint
9. When Dwight wins salesman of the year, Jim offers to help him how?
a) He convinces him that he should be arrogant and insult everyone else individually.
b) He gives him examples of good speeches to emulate, such as Mussolini’s.
c) Jim dresses him in a tuxedo and teaches him to speak in an Italian accent.
d) He gives him an earpiece and tells him to repeat everything he says, no exceptions.
10. Jim paid all the other employees in the office .00 to call Dwight what all day?
a) Dwayd
b) Dweeb
c) Dwennon
d) Dwayne
11. Why does Dwight heatedly begin to try to move things with his mind?
a) Jim says he’ll give him an unopened Battlestar Galactica action figure if he can do it.
b) Jim tells him only the true beet farmers can do it.
c) He sees Jim do it with the coat rack.
d) Jim convinces him there’s a national telekinetic league competition and he starts training.
12. Jim places a computer macro on Dwight’s computer to do what?
a) Shut down the computer every time Dwight opens his work files
b) Replace, when typed in all circumstances, “Dwight” with “Diapers”
c) To randomly open certain documents at specified intervals every day, .
d) To insert a heading of “Dwight Fart Shrute” on every document.
Thanks again.
I haven’t been to the field in almost two years, and even then I had framed tents and heating (warm meals, shower runs, ect.) I haven’t slept outdoors since WLC, I work in an air conditioned office, drink coffee from a mug, don’t own a canteen, and have a chair with adjustable settings and lumbar support.
I have cable TV in my office, doughnuts, and a vending machine. Even when I was in that country we invaded I did little-no work and ate chicken nuggets everyday. My biggest concern at the moment is that the vending machine is out of Dr. Pepper and my mouse pad is getting worn (looks very unprofessional.) The worst thing that can happen to me right now is that I’ll have to go to the range where I have overhead cover to protect me from rain, because firing a rifle in the rain is just nuts. I do PT though, sometimes they even make us do it outside if the gym is too full. I am considering removing my airborne wings and combat patch to be even more poguish, any suggestions?
Thanks for the input Tool, but you didn’t actually answer the question…..
Yeah Andy, I guess I’ll have to take of my AAM that I got for running 2 km of fiber cable.
I guess nobody’s ever heard of satire……
Everyone except Andy is telling me how to be less poguish, they’re missing the point entirely. Would a moustache be good or bad for my goals in this matter?
I carry a backpack around, they wont let me have a handbag. But I counteract the anti-pougeness of this by only carrying school books, Dilbert collections, apple juice, and Oreos in the military styled backpack.
Combat Soldier come into my office? Ha ha ha, good one.
Thanks Leroy, that’s dead-on. I actually chose not to pursue the CAB I could have got for mortars because I knew it would hurt my future endevor to be the ultimate pogue.
Mini-frig Andy? I have a full sived frig with a freezer, gotta keep my hot pockets cold, (untill I want them to be hot obviously, that’s why I have the microwave.)
Your right Leroy, that guy was really mad and I guess him and Tool didn’t get issued a sense of humor. My favorite is ppl who argue that they’ve been to war but don’t have a combat patch because they weren’t authorized, and then they consider Bright Star or something like that a deployment.
I am 40 and have 3 children, ages 24, 19 and 17. I got divorced as my children were very small. Five years ago I met a man with who I would like to spend the rest of my life with.
He is 58 and has two sons ( 23 and 32 ). His older son has a good running Company himself. Unfortunately he has a very unkind wife. She never wanted children and ( 000000PPPSSSSSS ) accidentally almost as the relationship was breaking up she became pregnant. The little fellow is now 6 months old his father has to feed him, change his diapers, bath him and, and ,and……. Even though they live in the same house the grandmother is not allowed to see her grandchild so things are not very rosy in this family. My partner’s wife thought once a grandchild is born it would hook him more into the family. My Partner’s ( let’s say ) daughter-in-law had been working in his Company 17 years. After giving birth she should have started work in the beginning of January but she has not mentioned anything jet. She had to go to hospital in the 5th month of pregnancy. Although I had not much knowledge of her work I had to take over immediately. My partner’s family didn’t expect that I ( never learned office work and never attended german classes ) would manage with all the work. With a little overtime I managed very well. So they underestimated my abilities and so now they show me as if they except me ( I am doughting it ).
His younger son is very spoiled and is not capable of doing anything at all and he will be taking over the Company from his father ( I am very suspicious if he could manage it ). For example when he is in the Company his only interests are if all the light bulbs are the same Volts or if the coffee machine is switched off. Or he shifts things from here to there. When he is in the Company a few days my partner and his younger son don’t get along with each other at all. He doesn’t take any interest in the sales and orders or what’s going on around and the Company’s every day procedures. He only sees the Bank Balance at the end of the month. But one thing is sure my partner’s children are well secured so ( normally ) they don’t have to worry.
My partner has been separated since 21 years ( not officially because of some Taxation reasons ) and his wife has been doing the whole paperwork for the Company. Many people say ( also family members ), it’s only because she always wanted to take control over him and she has told others that when he is old and grey he will be sitting on her sofa.
Also when other people are present she made him feel bad because he left her and he was never there for the children when they were ill and, and, and…….
She has been in a relationship with a married man since 20 years. This man stays 4 days at home with his wife and three days with her.
And because of that he has done more for his children then a father who had been living day and night with his children as in intact families.
My partner is a very good businessman and we have decided to open up a Business in India ( we live in Germany ). In this Business we both have shares of 50% each. We should be getting married in September 2010.
Without each other we are unable to do Business, he brings the knowledge and the money ( we lend the money, let’s say from Company X and pay it back with Interest in 5 years. Company X also belongs to my partner Taxation advantages in Germany. In other words nobody brings the money. The Business we are opening will pay itself in the end. So this means in the end the Business in India doesn’t cost us anything and the Company X makes a profit.) and I will be managing it as I was born in India and can speak Punjabi, Hindi, English and German.
The thing is that I would like to have another child and my time is running out. His wife and children think they would in this case inherit less because my unborn child could take their shares. His best ( ??? ) friend has told me that me having a child would be very cruel and I shouldn’t do this to his wife and his children. Because of these problems three earlier relationships have broken up for my partner in the last ten years. It does not suit them that we are getting married.
But for my child I don’t want anything from them i would be happy if we would be successful in India so that I can leave something behind for my children. He says his children would never go to India and take over the Business and he is only doing this for my children. I think to claim a large amount of money India is not far away, they could do it sitting in Germany.
My questions:
1) Is it cruel to want a child with this man?
2) Do his children have the right to inherit the 50% of his shares in India because at the time we registered the Company he is married to their mother ?
Anything they have earned in their marriage they should keep and I don’t want anything from them.
But what I work for in the future they should leave it for me and my chi
I used to chat to this woman at the coffee machine at work. Then I left the company. Now I see her on the street as I work close by.
I tried to stop her to say hi how are you etc but she quickly went into her office. The next time I asked her if she was upset about something to which she replied "I know we used to chat but we were not friends and she doesnt want to pursue the friendship"
I was merely trying to have a "hi how are you" converation with someone I used to chat to. I hadnt even mentioned taking it further.
Am I expecting too much or is this woman a little odd or rude? Just because I left and we were not friends is no reason not to speak to someone.
For me it has to be my prom photo, me and my friends had a group photo, only our group was too big so we were split into two, one group boys, one girls and I come under boys cos I’m a male-to-female transsexual and still currently a boy and it was just a great photo and it will always remind me of my last year at school, my friends and everyone who’s made my life great and worth living and it is just a perfect photo and it looks almost like it was from a sitcom set in an office, lol. With even named our characters, i’m a the guy who’s always near the coffee machine, everyone knows me but no one knows what i do or what i’m paid for, not even the boss, lol.
What’s your favourite photo of you and your friends?
I like this girl in office . We got to know each others names while collating info at office for a common cause. This girl in question speaks well if approached, enquire about personal stuff and reciprocates well. But she tends to avoid eye contact as well as kinda ignores me when she is with her friends. I know she sees me cause no one can miss a person at a distance of 5 feet unless they want to … The other day when I had invited her for a party casually saying I have invited her friends too, she said that she would " love to come" but had some training etc which was genuine. When she asked what the occasion was , I had to tell her that it was my promotion and she shook hands with me and also remembered that day correctly saying what I was wearing that promotion day !!!!.. I know she notices me and is struggling to look at me sometime. some times from the side of my eye i can see her look at me and when I look she too looks and turns away – no smile at all – as if she was dealing with a stranger. whats on her mind .. She normally takes route to the coffee machine thru where i sit , the other day she saw me speaking to another female colleague of mine and took the opposite route which felt like to me " oh i should avoid this guy ". Can someone help me decipher this behavior.
Thanks all .. God bless you … Shall definitely take the lead and ask her out at an appropriate time..
bandaid , to answer your question.. she has friends( boys) whom i pressume she knows for more than a year now and she speaks well, sometimes I see her in a resturant with them .. i guess its more of a time thing than anything else … your valuable advice too would be great ..
Came back to work after the xmas break, one of the hot office girls who seems to delight in givng me the cold shoulder was getting some drinks from the coffee machine when I wondered past, I was actually on my way to a meeting, but did intend to get a coffee. So I thought be polite and said ‘good morning’ in a zippy way, she replied dryly ‘good morning’ in an icey way, then I thought screw this I can’t be bothered to wait, (i hate waiting), I’ll go to my meeting and get the coffee later, so I said ‘I’ll come back later’, and walked away. Later on I thought, how cool was that, serves her right, if I had waited for my coffee it would have given her the opportunity to ignore me standing there and make me feel like an awkward geek, instead quite inadvertently I gave her some of her own treatment….am I a sad fool?
a woman standing by the coffee machine in work is approached by a male colleague,he leans over and whispers "wow your hair smells great".immediatly she storms into her supivisors office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harrasment charge.her supervisor says "but whats wrong with saying your hair smells nice?" to which she replies,"hes a midget".
sorry,put this in wrong section,hope it makes you laugh anyway.